ZOOLANDER No. 2 : Wednesday 10th February 2016

I caught 'ZOOLANDER No. 2' at an advance screening on Wednesday evening this week, expecting big things from this long awaited and eagerly anticipated sequel to Ben Stiller's 2001 cult comedy parody on the fashion industry and all it stood for. In so doing he introduced the world to his creation of Derek Zoolander in a satire of the fashion industry that he wrote, Directed, Produced and starred in for US$28M that he turned into US$61M. Having created a comedy cult character it was almost inevitable that a follow up would eventuate, and so here 15 years later is the follow up that he also wrote, Directed, Produced and stars in, and which he made for US$50M with his stablemates from that earlier film - Hansel (Owen Wilson), Jacobim Mugatu (Will Ferrell), Matilda Jeffries (Christina Taylor) and a few others. What needs to be borne in mind is that when Stiller first made 'Zoolander' back then he was in his early thirties, and now he is 50, and I have to say that I found this offering the poor cousin to that first instalment, and some of the gags are as dated as his character.

This latest offering centres around the 'worlds most beautiful people' being systematically assassinated all wearing Derek's famed 'Blue Steel' look as their death mask. As the film opens we see two motorbike riders giving chase to a hoodie wearing assailant for reasons that are unclear except that the guys on bikes are brandishing automatic hand guns, and the guy on foot can almost out run them, until that is, he is chased into a corner and riddled with bullets at point blank range. The assailant drops to the floor, and in his last gasps of breath takes a photo with his smartphone and posts his final 'look' to his Instagram page for all the world to see. It is Justin Bieber . . . dead, before our very eyes!

We then get a history lesson of the events since the close of the first film from 2001 onwards - the capture & two life sentences served on Mugatu, how Derek's wife was killed and Hansel's face was disfigured for life in a horrific building collapse, how Derek lost custody of his son, the bitter feud between Derek and Hansel that led to them both leaving the world they loved behind and seeking refuge in their solitude, and the legacy they left behind but eroded over the years as the fashion industry, and life, changed forever. Fast track to the present day and Billy Zane (playing himself) knocks on the door of Derek (now known as Eric Toolander) and delivers a package from Fashion Icon Alexanya Atoz (an unrecognisable Kristen Wiig) urging him to come to Rome to relaunch his career, which in turn may help Derek's cause of winning back his estranged son. Days later Billy Zane rocks up at Hansel's place with the same message, and the two meet again for the first time in fifteen years at the baggage claim carousel at Rome airport.

Atoz wants Derek & Hansel to take part in a fashion launch to relaunch their careers, which they agree to with their new found friendship and zeal to redeem their fallen fashion crowns of yesteryear. They quickly discover that the world of fashion they once knew has changed beyond all recognition - the locations, the gear, the culture, the language and the people in it and around it as they are introduced to deliciously camp All (Benedict Cumberbatch) the latest male model icon of the moment. Getting their moment on stage they are humiliated big time at the hands of All and in front of a global audience, but take it as a lesson in life and look for the positives to enable them to move on.

Needing to bring the arch criminals behind the killings to justice, Derek and Hansel are put on the case by Interpol, because Derek is the only link they have to go on given the 'look' the beautiful ones died with on their faces. The high fashion investigative division of Interpol is headed up by Melanie Valentina (Penelope Cruz) who offers to help Derek track down his son, in exchange for his cooperation with that of Hansel too. Reluctantly he agrees and quickly learns that Derek Jnr. (Cyrus Arnold) is in an orphanage in Rome. He quickly reunites with his son who is less than he expected - a fat dumpy kid known to his school mates as 'Fatlander' who his Dad is quickly embarrassed by, and promptly turns his back on. Some quick persuasive talk from Hansel and the two Derek's connect, but it's not all sunshine & rainbows, resulting in a car stack that the two walk away from unscathed, but covered in gelato.

In the meantime, Hansel receives various prank calls with cryptic 'Police' messages which ultimately call for a late night meeting in a Basilica, which Hansel, Derek and Melanie agree to attend. There they meet with Sting (playing himself) who tells them that 'The Chosen One' which those that have died have sworn to protect, is in fact Derek Jnr. whose blood line goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden and Adam, Eve and Steve as the one born so beautiful that he is in fact The Fountain of Youth. In the meantime Mugatu (Will Ferrell) has been locked up in an off shore high security fashion prison for ten years and is visited by Derek seeking further information about the killings and where his now kidnapped son may be holed up. It doesn't take much for Mugatu to turn the tables on Derek leaving the latter tied up & securely bound, and the former walking free, looking to sacrifice Derek Jnr. to the leaders of the fashion world, and bring about his revenge of Derek Snr.

In a bath house where the beating heart is to be extracted from Derek Jnr. unless Hansel, Derek Snr. and Melanie can intervene on time, it all comes to an end. There is a lava flow, a glitter bomb, a dagger implanted in Derek's cheek and then Hansel's arse, a revelation of who Hansel's father is, the truth behind the tragic death of Derek's wife, why Derek Jnr. is so fat, and Derek finding his new true love and reconciling with his son who really is 'The Chosen One' it turns out, and, can 'Blue Steel' it as good as his old man!

Also starring more cameo's that you can shake your cinema ticket at, those that I recall are Keifer Sutherland, John Malkovich, Justin Bieber, Billy Zane, Benedict Cumberbatch, Katy Perry, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, Milla Jovovich and a host of others.

I have to say and it makes me sorry to report that I was underwhelmed by this film. Ben Stiller does well carrying the film with his 'Blue Steel', 'Magnum' and 'Aqua Vitae' looks from back in the day, but, there were no laugh out loud moments for me as there were in the first film. The dialogue is repetitive and derivative, there was too much going on in this far fetched by the numbers plot, and whilst the production values are good they are wasted by a film intent on cramming in as many plots, sub-plots, cameo's and worthless predictable gags as it can. Disappointing because I expected so much more, and the image here from the film just about sums it up for me. Wait for the DVD or BluRay when you may get a bigger bundle of goodies to accompany the film to make it a worthwhile experience.

-Steve, at Odeon Online-