BULLET TRAIN : Tuesday 9th August 2022.

I saw the MA15+ Rated 'BULLET TRAIN' earlier this week and this American action comedy film is Co-Produced and Directed by David Leitch whose previous film making credits include his uncredited debut on 2014's 'John Wick' with Chad Stahelski, then 'Atomic Blonde' in 2017, 'Deadpool 2' in 2018 and 'Fast and Furious Presents : Hobbs & Shaw' in 2019. The film is based on the Japanese novel 'Maria Beetle' by Kotaro Isaka, and was released in the US last week too, having been originally slated for release on 8th April before being delayed to 15th July then again to 29th July and then finally settling on 5th August. It had its World Premiere in Paris, France on 18th July. The film has grossed so far US$72M from its production budget of about US$88M and has garnered mixed or average reviews.

The film opens with a distraught father, Yuichi Kimura (Andrew Koji) looking over his young son laying in a hospital bed in a coma having been thrown off a supermarket roof. His father, The Elder (Hiroyuki Sanada) enters the room and asks his son what was he doing while his son was on the supermarket roof? A father is supposed to look out for their children! Kimura swears vengeance on the person who threw his son off the roof. We then cut to former professional assassin codenamed Ladybug (Brad Pitt), who has recently attended therapy, returns to work with a new positive spin on life. He is tasked by his handler, Maria Beetle (Sandra Bullock), to complete what appears to be a simple task - to collect a briefcase aboard a bullet train travelling from Tokyo to Kyoto after her usual contact, Carver, is forced to cancel due to illness. Ladybug is at first reluctant, as his notorious years long run of bad luck continues to haunt him every job he gets, resulting in numerous accidental deaths. 

Unknown to Ladybug, three other assassins are onboard - hitmen brothers Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) and The Prince (Joey King) a mercenary posing as an English schoolgirl. The former two have been tasked by the ruthless Russian, The White Death, head of the world’s largest crime syndicate, who has taken control of the Japanese criminal underworld by force wiping out everyone who gets in his way. The brothers find their employment to be somewhat suspicious given The White Death specifically contracted them for their participation for a job in Bolivia in which the pair singlehandedly took out sixteen goons and an innocent bystander. 

Having retrieved The White Death’s kidnapped son and the briefcase containing his US$10M in ransom monies, the brothers are delivering both to Kyoto. Meanwhile in the First Class cabins, The Prince summons fellow assassin, Yuichi Kimura, to the train, having pushed his young son off the roof of the supermarket. She has already planted an associate at the hospital ready to finish the boy off, should Kimura fail in any way to cooperate with her plan, which involves rigging the briefcase and Kimura’s gun with explosives to kill White Death, who is known for executing his adversaries by turning their own weapons on them. Successfully stealing the briefcase, Ladybug is ambushed by another assassin, code-named The Wolf (Benito A. Martinez Ocasio), who had arrived seeking revenge for the deaths of his wife and his entire cartel, poisoned at their Mexican wedding. After a brief fight, The Wolf is accidentally killed when his knife thrown at Ladybug ricochet's off the briefcase and straight back into his own heart, and then just to add insult to that injury when he collapses backwards he breaks his neck on the briefcase sitting upright at Ladybug's feet. 

After the brothers find the briefcase to be missing, they also then find White Death’s son dead by apparent poisoning. The Prince convinces Tangerine in believing that Ladybug is responsible, while Ladybug attempts to negotiate with Lemon but is forced to render him unconscious. Ladybug runs into the Wolf’s intended target, The Hornet (Zazie Beetz), the poisoner who massacred his wedding, revealed be the one who killed White Death’s son some 42 minutes earlier. She stabs Ladybug with a syringe of boomslang (a large highly venomous snake) venom in the back of the hand but fails to push down the plunger of the syringe, so he removes the syringe and injects her in the arm, ensuring the venom is all injected. Within thirty second The Hornet is dead having bled out from her eyes, nose and mouth, but not before the Hornet injects him with her only dose of anti-venom. 

Tangerine located Ladybug and the pair get into a fight both inside and outside the train, but eventually reach a stalemate with Ladybug helping Tangerine convince White Death’s men that his son and the briefcase are safe. However, their cunning plan is foiled when Ladybugs run of bad luck exposes their ruse. He then kicks Tangerine off the train. Meanwhile, suspicious of Kimura and the Prince, Lemon shoots Kimura in the stomach but falls victim to an innocent looking bottle of water that was drugged by Ladybug earlier with an extra large dose of sleeping powder. He is shot several times in the chest at close range by the Prince. After literally punching his way back onto the train through the front windscreen, Tangerine finds his brother’s body and confronts the Prince, who had a sticker of Diesel, a locomotive from Thomas & Friends, stuck onto her back. Lemon learned everything he knew about people from watching every episode of Thomas the Tank Engine as a child and so believes that Diesel cannot be trusted. The Prince though manipulates Ladybug into fighting Tangerine, resulting in him being fatally shot in the neck and bleeding out before he could warn Ladybug of The Prince. Kimura’s father, The Elder, boards the train and reveals himself as a former Yakuza lieutenant whose wife and associates were killed in White Death’s rise to power.

The Elder in the meantime has ensured that his grandson in hospital is safe by having The Prince's associate minding him killed. He and Ladybug find Kimura and Lemon still alive, with the former nursing a shot to the gut and the latter having worn a bulletproof vest, as he always does. They then all prepare themselves for the ambush awaiting them at their Kyoto destination. 

The train arrives in Kyoto, and Ladybug is met by White Death (Michael Shannon) and his henchmen. The Prince, revealed to be White Death’s very angry daughter, tries to goad him into shooting her with Kimura’s booby-trapped gun, but he instead tells her she was never part of his plan. The White Death goes on to explain that he hired all the assassins aboard the train as revenge for the murder of his wife.

Following the massacre of sixteen of his men by Tangerine and Lemon during 'The Bolivia Job', his wife was called to bail their son out of jail and was killed by Carver (Ryan Reynolds in a blink and you'll miss it cameo), who was meant to take out her husband. The only surgeon that could have saved his wife was poisoned by the Hornet, thereby almost guaranteeing her death. Blaming the brothers, Carver, the Hornet and his own son, White Death had arranged for all the assassins including the Wolf, and Ladybug, who unwittingly replaced Carver on the bullet train to kill each other and his son. However, before White Death can kill Ladybug, the briefcase bomb is triggered by a pair of hapless henchmen, knocking them both back onto the train, which Lemon starts up again at full speed ahead.

As the train hurtles along the tracks out of control, the Elder battles it out with White Death while Kimura and Ladybug fight off his numerous henchmen. Lemon tackles a goon off the train as it traverses a bridge and the both fall into the river below. The train ultimately runs out of tracks and derails, crashing through a forest and then into a nearby town destroying everything, and it, in its path. Ladybug is held at gunpoint by White Death who has The Elders Samurai sword buried deep in his shoulder. He attempts to shoot Ladybug, but is killed himself when Kimura’s gun explodes, ripping off half his face. Ladybug, Kimura, and his father, as they hobble through the wreckage and after The Elder has retrieved his sword from the White Death's shoulder, are confronted by the murderous Prince, who gloats that her luck is what resulted in the White Death’s undoing. As she proclaims herself to be the new White Death, poised with an assault rifle pointed squarely at the three of them, the Prince is mowed down by Lemon driving a truck carrying tangerines. Maria arrives to rescue Ladybug, who has consequently immersed himself in a more optimistic outlook on life and fate.

'Bullet Train' is an entertaining piece of action comedy with the emphasis on the action and less so on the comedy although I did find myself chuckling several times as both the verbal and the sight gags landed. The action comes thick and fast in kinetically choreographed fight sequences, and the melee of characters means you really need to concentrate on who's who in the zoo, but they are all in some way a necessary addition to the at times convoluted and over exaggerated plot. Messrs Pitt, Taylor-Johnson and Tyree Henry carry this film along on their coats tails with a deft touch at the action comedy genre that is as much a nod to Quentin Tarantino as it is to Guy Ritchie, with whom Brad Pitt has worked with both Directors in the past. And in David Leitch, he has once again proven his Directing chops with a fast paced, adrenalin fuelled colourful action fest full of memorable characters, an ensemble cast and a number of great cameo's along the way (including Ryan Reynolds and David Leitch himself), who all look as though they were having a blast shooting this movie. 

'Bullet Train' merits four claps of the Odeon Online clapperboard from a possible five claps. 

-Steve, at Odeon Online-

ETERNALS : Wednesday 3rd November 2021.

I saw 'ETERNALS' earlier this week at an advanced screening at my local multiplex, and this M Rated much hyped, eagerly anticipated and long awaited epic superhero film is based on the Marvel Comics characters of the same name. This is the 26th film in the MCU and the third film in the MCU's Phase Four. Directed and Co-Written by Chloe Zhao whose prior film credits are 2015's 'Songs My Brother Taught Me' her debut, then 'The Rider' in 2017 and the critically acclaimed 'Nomadland' in 2020. Originally set for release on 6th November 2020, it was then moved back to 12th February 2021 and then to this week in the US, UK, Australia and other international territories due to the COVID-19 pandemic, following its World Premier in LA on 18th October. The film cost US$200M to produce and has so far generated mixed or average Reviews, and at the time of writing the film has grossed US$30M. 

The core Eternals team who landed on our little blue planet about seven thousand years ago, consists of ten characters, each with their own set of very particular skills and super powers. There is Sersi (Gemma Chan), who can transform objects into different elements, such as rock into sand, metal into water, wood into stone and so on; Ikaris (Richard Madden), has the ability to fly and fire cosmic laser beams from his eyes; Kingo (Kumail Nanjiani), who can project energy blasts from his hands; Sprite (Lia McHugh), a twelve year old girl who can summon illusions at will ; Phastos (Brian Tyree Henry), an inventor extraordinaire; Makkari (Lauren Ridloff), who is deaf but has superhuman speed; Druig (Barry Keoghan), with the ability to control many multiple minds at once; Gilgamesh (Don Lee) with super strength, and Thena (Angelina Jolie), the Goddess of war who can summon weapons of cosmic light; and leading the pack is Ajak (Salma Hayek), the 'Prime Eternal' who has the ability to heal herself and others and is able to communicate with the Celestial Arishem the Judge (voiced by David Kaye) as a surrogate mother and protector of the Eternals. 

And so the Eternals are an immortal alien race created millennia ago by the Celestials (their mythology is that they are members of the first lifeforms created in and by the original universe, and have contributed to the creation of the Multiverse, including the evolution of life therein) and who were sent to Earth to protect humanity from the Deviants (an offshoot of the evolutionary process that created sentient life on Earth instigated by the alien Celestials). In 5000 BC, the Eternals arrived on Earth from their home planet Olympia sent by the Celestial Arishem, where they have to fight the invasive Deviants and ultimately destroy them all. Over the ensuing millennia, they have protected humanity from the dangers posed by these mutant creatures, but were not permitted to stand in the way of the development of mankind. The last of the Deviants were seemingly killed off some five hundred years ago, at which point the group became divided, as views differed about their responsibility towards the world's growing population. They subsequently spent the next few centuries largely separated from each other, waiting for Arishem to send them back to Olympia.

Fast forward to present day London and Sersi and Sprite are living together. After Sersi was left by her partner Ikaris more than five hundred years previously, she now has a relationship with Dane Whitman (Kit Harington) who works at London's Natural History Museum. When the three are attacked one evening by the Deviant leader Kro, Ikaris appears and chases the creature away after observing that this Deviant was able to self heal. Sersi, Sprite and Ikaris decide to reunite all Eternals to prepare for the renewed danger. They round up the rest of the group, all except for Ajak who was seemingly killed by a Deviant. 

As the new leader of the group, Ajak gave Sersi the ability to communicate with Arishem. In a conversation with the Celestial, Arishem tells her that the overriding mission of the Eternals was not to fight the Deviants, but to prepare Earth for 'The Emergence'. Arishem further explains that for millions of years, the Celestials have been planting their seeds in populated planets so that a new Celestial can be born from them. Since the energy of innumerable individuals is required for this, the Celestials sent the Deviants, so that the respective apex predators of the planet could be eradicated therefore paving the way for the ongoing development of life. However, the Deviants evolved and became apex predators themselves, explaining why the Eternals were sent to thwart them. Arishem concludes that Earth has now reached the necessary population density so that The Emergence - the birth of the Celestial Tiamut and the consequent destruction of Earth - can occur. This fact was known by Ajak since the Eternals arrived, but she was sworn to secrecy, telling Ikaris a few centuries ago but only revealing in flashback seven days before The Emergence was due to begin. Arisham also reveals that there was no home planet, Olympia, from which the Eternals originally hailed, and that they are destined to die with The Emergence. 

The Eternals came to love and respect humanity, despite all their flaws, over the centuries gone by, and so they decide not to obey the will of Arishem and instead want to prevent The Emergence. Through the 'Uni-Mind' created by Phastos - a connection between all Eternals that brings their collective powers together in a single force, Druig is then meant to harness the necessary power to bring Tiamut to sleep by means of his mind control abilities. However, not all Eternals are satisfied with the plan and Kingo leaves the group because he does not want to face Arishem and Ikaris reveals himself as an opponent. It was he who had been informed of The Emergence by Ajak and who finally sacrificed the leader to the Deviants when she too spoke out in opposition to the destruction of the Earth.

Makkari sprints around the world at warp speed to locate the place of The Emergence at the foot of an active volcano. There, a fight between Ikaris and the Eternals breaks out. The Deviant Kro, who wants to take out his revenge on the Eternals and who had previously killed Gilgamesh, is also there. Together, the group are able to bring Ikaris under control, while Thena defeats Kro at the same time by slicing and dicing him up with the aid of a pair of swords of cosmic light. 

Phastos activates the Uni-Mind, which Ikaris also joins after he has rethought his life on Earth and his relationship with Sersi. Since Druig is too weak from the previous fight to face Tiamut, Sersi, who is able to manipulate and transform substances, takes on the job and kills Tiamut by transforming the molten lava flow into ice and then hardened rock, so solidifying the emerging Tiamut. Wracked by guilt, Ikaris flies off taking one last look at planet Earth before flying directly into the sun. Sersi grants Sprite human life so that she can grow into an adult and experience all the things that adults do, albeit knowing that she will some day die too; Phastos remains with his partner and husband Ben (Haaz Sleiman) and their adoptive son Jack (Esai Daniel Cross), Kingo returns to his life as a famous Bollywood Actor; and Sersi returns to London to be with Dane Whitman. Thena, Druig and Makkari fly into space aboard their spaceship to find other Eternals. 

One day when Sersi and Dane are out walking and talking about her recent exploits in saving the world on Hampstead Heath with the City of London in the background, Arisham arrives on the horizon and summons Sersi and the other still earthbound Eternals telling them that with their killing of Tiamut he is still yet to judge whether Earth's civilisation will live or die. Keep watching for a mid-credits and a post-credits sequence in which Thena, Druig and Makkari get an unexpected couple of visitors on board their spaceship, and Dane Whitman opens up an old chest inherited from his forebearers.  

In crafting 'Eternals' Director and Co-Screenwriter Chloe Zhao has thrown out the MCU how-to rule book and created a film that takes the near fifteen year old epic franchise in a new and fresh direction. This film has emotion, sex, homosexuality and a rag tag bunch of various nationalities, cultures and beliefs all wrapped up into one neat little package that is not short on the action set pieces, or the humour delivered for the most part by Kingo and Gilgamesh. That said, its hard to get truly invested in ten characters when there is so little time given to their respective back stories which span millennia; the film labours at the mid-section and at a running time of 157 minutes it is, for me at least, twenty minutes overcooked. There will be those that love this film, and those that hate it, and as for this Reviewer, well I sit somewhere in the middle. But credit has to go to Chloe Zhao for steeping foot outside of the tried and tested MCU formula and delivering us something different, which despite its flaws, paves the way for a perhaps invigorated Phase Four - only time will tell where these characters take us. 

'Eternals' warrants three claps of the Odeon Online clapperboard from a possible five claps. 

-Steve, from Odeon Online-