NOAH - Wednesday 2nd April 2014

I saw 'NOAH' last night, and after the news that this film had done US$44M in its opening three day weekend in the US and US$95M on its worldwide opening day and was something like the fourth highest grossing opening weekender of all time, I was expecting great things from this Biblical retelling of this Old Testament story. And, at a cost of US$100M to make it, the expectation was further heightened . . . but, how wrong can you be?

You know the story here, you've read the book, you've played with a model Ark and sundry animals at Kindergarten, and you know how it all began and how it all ends and why! But, you gotta remember that this is Director, Darren Aronofsky's interpretation, with a good dose of Hollywood thrown in, and a big budget, and a pretty impressive cast. All of this has divided audiences and critics the world over, which in the end will only add to the box office haul I'm sure.

The cast do well - we have Russell Crowe as the man himself and destined for greatness at the hand of God to save the world, or at least purge it! Jennifer Connelly stars as Mrs. Noah (Naameh), Ray Winstone as Tubal-cain, Emma Watson as adopted daughter Ila and Sir Anthony Hopkins as the old man Methuselah providing advice and guidance on the impending end of the world, and he is an early casualty when the deluge hits! Other than this we have Noah's three boys of varying ages - and when the rain stops and the waters begin to subside this is all that remains of humanity!

The spectacle is grand there is no doubt, and it all moves along at a good pace but there are gaping holes in this story based on a story that already had gaping holes in it! The animals in all their forms hardly feature at all apart from when then fly, slither, crawl, creep, walk or jump onto the Ark and then they are all promptly put to sleep by the Noah clan courtesy of some burning concoction of roots, herbs and leaves . . . for about ten months??? Tubal-cain as our main #1 foe stows away on the Ark undiscovered for nine months . . . really, but he's just trying to save humankind, not destroy it! Ila gives birth to twin girls at the end like she pops 'em out every day . . . bearing in mind she's on an Ark jam packed full of every animal known to man adrift on the ocean! Then, there's 'The Watchers' - fallen angels banished to Earth by 'The Creator' (not a single reference to 'God' in this film) and cast into stone because of the Adam & Eve shambles in the Garden of Eden way back when. These 'Watchers' are like clunky early 'Transformers' made out of rock & boulders who watch out for the Noah clan and actually help them construct the Ark - where did that notion come from I wonder? There is also a segment where Noah is talking to his family about the creation and how Heaven & Earth was formed. Interesting that he talks about evolution as we know it up to the point where monkeys and chimpanzees roam the Earth . . . and then we segwey to Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden - is Aronofsky trying to satisfy Darwin's Theory and keep the Creationists and the Religious Groups all happy here too with his spin on it all?

It's easy to see why this has had a mixed reception, but based on it's early box office and the controversy, this will do well. It is worth seeing on the big screen, but be prepared for a different kind of take on the story you know and grew up with, a lot of poetic license, a good sprinkling of Hollywood magic and the suspension of belief.
  
-Steve, at Odeon Online-